(upbeat music) (projector clicking) - Have you ever wondered where the television signal you're watching is coming from?

♪ True North (projector clicking) - Welcome to True North.

(upbeat music) (mysterious music) - Good evening and welcome to Maine 1.

(upbeat music) (projector clicking) Welcome to From The Vault a celebration of 60 years of Maine Public Television of Maine Public Television We have something a bit different It is a play From 1971, Alice in Wonderland In the summer of that year, an acting troupe from the famed Stella Adler School of Acting in New York City came to Castine for two weeks they stayed on the Maine Maritime Academy training ship State of Maine They performed at Baron Castine Ha ll and they also came to the studios in Orono to perform Alice in Wonderland, in front of the cameras.

Joanna Rotte who you will see as Cheshire Cat (whimsical piano music) (gentle piano music) - Oh, you wicked, wicked little thing.

Now, really.

Dinah ought to have taught you better matters, now don't interrupt me!

You scraped twice while Dinah was washing your face this morning.

Now don't try to deny it, kitty, I heard ya!

Then you pulled Snowdrop's tail just as I had set down a saucer of milk for her.

Now that's a very bad fault and you haven't been punished as yet.

I'm saving up all your punishments for Wednesday week.

What if they saved up all my punishments?

What would they do at the end of the year?

Why, I should be sent to prison, I suppose.

Kitty, can you play chess?

Now, don't smile my dear, I'm asking you seriously.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to play chess and become a real queen with a crown of your own?

Why, just imagine it, Kitty.

Just imagine it!

To be a wonderful, wonderful, beautiful queen with a golden crown!

Perhaps Kitty, if you're very good and imagine very strong, why, we can be off to Wonderland!

And maybe you too can become a queen.

Shall we try it, Kitty?

I'll show you how it's done.

First shut your eyes and dream of your wish.

As you turn and turn, round and round and round.

Try it now, Kitty!

Shut your eyes and say, I wish I were in Wonderland.

I wish I were a queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were a queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were a queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were a queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were a queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were a queen.

I wish I were in Wonderland, I wish I were a queen.

I wish - Oh, oh dear, where's Kitty gone?

What's happened?

(children laughing) (March Hare exclaiming) - Six o'clock, six o'clock, I shall be late for the tea party!

(March Hare shrieking) (kids laughing) - The March Hare!

I am in Wonderland, in Wonderland!

My wish did come true!

But how am I to become a queen?

I'm afraid I've managed to get to Wonderland, but I don't know what to do next.

I'm just a little bit lonely and quite a bit lost.

The Hare seems to have gone into that garden, I think I'll just follow him.

The Red Queen!

- Oh, where do you come from and where are you going?

Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your thumbs.

- You see, I've lost my way.

- I don't know what you mean by your way, all the ways around here belong to me!

But are have you come out here at all?

Curtsy while you're thinking what to say, it saves time.

- I'll try that when I go home, the next time I'm a little late for dinner.

- It's time for you to answer me now.

Open your mouth a little wider when you speak and always say Your Majesty.

- I only wanted to go into the garden, Your Majesty.

- That's right, though when you say garden, I could show you gardens compared to which you would call that a wilderness.

- Oh, and then I thought I tried to see what lay at the top of that hill!

- Though when you say hill, I could show you hills compared with which you would call that a valley!

- Oh, I shouldn't.

A hill can't be a valley, you know, that would be nonsense.

- You may call it nonsense if you like, but I've heard nonsense compared with which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!

- This conversation's becoming curiouser and curiouser.

Your Majesty, I only wanted to see what lay at the top of that, over there!

- Well, why don't you look out there then and see the whole country.

- Why it's laid out just like a large chess board!

It's a great huge game of chess that's being played all over the world!

If this is the world at all, you know.

Oh what fun it is, how I wish that I might be a part of it.

I wouldn't mind being a pawn if only I might join!

Though of course, I should like to be a queen.

- Now, that's easily managed.

You may be the White Queen's pawn, if you like.

Now you're in the first square now, and when you get to the eighth square, you'll be a queen.

(sniffing) Here comes the wind!

Run, run!

Faster, faster!

- Are we nearly there?

- Nearly there, well, we passed it 10 minutes ago!

Faster, faster!

- Oh!

- There, you may rest now.

- Well, I believe we've been in the same spot all the time!

Everything's just as it was.

- Well, of course it is.

What did you expect?

- Well, in our country, you'd generally get somewhere else if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing!

- Slow sort of country.

No, here you see it takes all the running you can do to stay in one place.

If you want to get someplace else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!

- I'd rather not try, please.

I'm content to stay right here, only I'm so hot and thirsty.

- I know what you would like!

Have a biscuit.

And now while you're refreshing yourself, I'll give you instructions on how to get to the eighth square and become a queen.

(spitting) Have another biscuit?

- No thank you, one's quite enough.

- Thirst quenched, I hope.

- Yes!

- And now, I shall write the instructions down for you.

A pawn, as you know, begins in the second square and you are there now.

In the third square, you'll meet the Duchess and her cat.

And a few yards later, you'll be in the fourth square and you'll have a tea party.

And then, there's the fifth square and that belongs to the Mock Turtle.

In the sixth square, it's the White Queen's square.

But you make no remark?

- I didn't know I had to make one just then!

- Well, you should have said it's extremely kind of you to tell me all of this.

However, we'll suppose it said, now in the next square, you'll get there in leaps and bounds belongs to Humpty Dumpty.

- Oh!

- And in the eighth square, we're to be queens together and it's all feasting and fun, and now here's a list of the journey, don't forget it.

Speaking in French when you can, little English thing, turn out your toes when you walk and remember who you are!

Goodbye!

(jubilant piano music) - She can run very fast!

Oh, now.

I followed the instructions and I should be in the third square by now!

Now let me see.

Why, this door!

It says most clearly on the door, Duchess!

But I don't see a bell anywhere.

Perhaps I'd better knock.

(door knocking) - There's no sense in knocking on that, for two reasons.

First, you're on the same side of the door I am and secondly, there's so much noise going on inside that nobody could possibly hear you.

- Please, then, how am I to get in?

- Any way you like.

- There's no use talking to him, he's perfectly idiotic.

I think I'll just walk right in.

(bright piano music) (dark piano music) (clapping) I'm looking for the Duchess, please!

- I'm the Duchess, child.

(sneezing) (cat meowing) There's too much pepper in the soup!

What are you staring at, child?

- Could you tell me please why your cat grins like that?

- It's a Cheshire cat, that's why.

- I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned!

In fact, I didn't know that cats could grin.

- They all can and most of them do.

- I don't know of any that do.

- Well, you don't know much, and that's a fact.

Pig!

(cat meowing) - Mind what you're doing!

Why, there goes his precious nose!

- If everyone minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than what it does.

- Which would not be an advantage.

Just think what work it would make of the day and the night!

You see, the Earth takes 24 hours to turn round on its axis.

- Speaking of axes, chop off her head!

- 24 hours I think, or is it 12?

- Don't bother me with figures, I never could abide them.

(whistle blowing) ♪ Speak roughly to your little boy ♪ ♪ To your little, to your little boy ♪ ♪ And beat him when he sneezes ♪ When he sneezes, when he sneezes ♪ ♪ He only does it to annoy ♪ Because he knows, he knows, he knows it teases ♪ Oo, well, oh child, you dear old thing.

You can't think how glad I am to see you!

You're thinking of something, that's why you forget to speak.

- I enjoyed your song very much.

- Don't mention it, and the moral of that is 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go around.

(cat meowing) - Thank you for the lesson!

- Oh, don't mention it, and the moral of that is be what you would seem to be.

Of if you'd like it put more simply, never imagine yourself to be otherwise than what would appear to others, then what you are might be what's not otherwise what it appeared to be.

Otherwise, oh.

- I think I might understand that better if I had it written down!

But I can't quite follow it as you say it.

- Oh that's nothing compared to what I could say if I chose.

- Oh, pray don't trouble to say it any longer than that!

- Oh, don't bother me with trouble.

I'll make you a present of everything I've said as of yet, child.

Well, goodbye.

Cook and I are off to play croquet with the Queen.

Fore, fore, fore!

- They're gone, that poor baby, they probably will kill it in a day or two!

However, I must get on to the next square.

Let me see what the Red Queen wrote.

Hmm, I can't seem to make much sense of this list.

It seems to be written backwards!

(cat meowing) Cheshire puss, could you tell me please which way to go from here?

- That depends a great deal on where you want to get to.

- Well, I don't much care where I go.

- Then it doesn't really matter which way you do go.

- As long as I get somewhere.

- Oh, you're sure to do that if you only walk long enough.

- Well, what sort of people live about here?

- In one direction lives the Hatter.

In the other a March Hare.

Visit either you like, they're both mad!

- But I don't want to go among mad people!

- Oh, you can't help that.

We're all mad here.

I'm mad.

- How do you know?

- Well, to begin with, a dog's not mad, correct?

- That's true.

- Well a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.

I growl when I'm pleased and wag my tail when I'm angry.

Therefore, I'm mad!

- Well, I don't mind you.

And besides, I know what the Hare looks like.

I think I'll visit him.

Goodbye, Cheshire puss!

- Goodbye!

(jaunty piano music) - They told me you had been to her and mentioned me to him.

She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim.

I gave him one, you gave him two, you gave him three a more they all returned, oo!

For they were mine before!

(all whispering) No room!

- Why, there's plenty of room!

(all whispering) - Have some wine.

- But I don't see any wine?

- That's because there isn't any!

(laughing) - Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it.

- Wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited.

- Well, I didn't know it was your table, it's laid for a great many more than three!

- Your hair needs cutting!

- You should learn not to make personal remarks, it's very rude!

- Why is a raven like a writing desk?

- A riddle, I think I can guess that!

- You mean you think you could find out the answer to it?

- Exactly so!

- Then why don't you say what you mean?

- I do, at least I mean what I say and that's the same thing, you know!

- Not the same thing a bit!

Why, you might just as well say I eat what I see is the same thing as I see what I eat!

- It might just as well say I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like!

- You may just as well say that I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe!

- It's the same thing with you!

Have you guessed the riddle yet?

- No, I give up!

What's the answer?

- I haven't the slightest idea.

(all laughing) - I think you might do something better with the time than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers.

- If you know time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting it.

It's a him!

- I don't know what you mean.

- Of course not.

I daresay you never even spoke to Time.

- Well, perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time when I learn music!

- Ah-ha!

That accounts for it.

Now, he won't stand for beatings!

Now, if you only kept on good terms with Time, he'd do almost anything you like with the clocks.

For instance, supposing it were 9 o'clock in the morning, just in time to begin your lessons.

You'd only have to whisper a hint to Time and 'round goes the clock in a twinkling at half-past one!

- Time for dinner!

- Time for dinner!

- I only wish it was!

- Why, that would be grand, certainly, but then I shouldn't be hungry for it!

- Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it at half-past one for as long as you liked.

- Is that how you manage?

- Not I, we quarreled last March, just before he went mad, you know!

It was at the great concert given by the Duchess and I had to sing, ♪ Twinkle twinkle little bat ♪ How I wonder what you're at You know the song, perhaps?

- I've heard something like it.

- It goes on, you know, in this way.

♪ Up above the world you fly ♪ Like a tea tray in the sky ♪ Twinkle twinkle little - ♪ Twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle ♪ I'd hardly finished the first verse.

♪ Twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle ♪ I'd hardly finished the first verse.

♪ Twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle ♪ Thank you!

When the Duchess called out, he's murdering the time, off with his head!

- How dreadfully savage!

- And ever since then, I haven't been able to do a thing with him.

It's always six o'clock now!

- Is that why there's so many tea things laid out here?

- Yes, that's it.

It's always tea time and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.

- So you just keep moving them around I suppose!

- Exactly so, as the things get used up.

♪ Time for tea, tea for time ♪ Time for tea, tea for time ♪ Time for tea, tea for time ♪ Time for tea, tea for time - And when you get to the beginning again - - Suppose we change the subject.

I vote the young lady tell us a story!

- I'm afraid I don't know one!

- Then the Doormouse shall!

Wake up, Doormouse!

- I wasn't asleep, I heard every word you fellas was saying.

- Tell us a story!

- Oh, yes!

Please do!

- And be quick about it or you'll be asleep before it's done.

- Once upon a time there were three little sisters and their names were Elsie, Lacy, and Tilly, and they lived at the bottom of a well.

- What did they live on?

- They lived on treacle!

- But they couldn't have done that, you know!

Why, they'd have been ill!

- Of course they were, very ill!

- But why did they live at the bottom of a well?

- Have some more tea.

- I've had nothing yet so I can't take more.

- You mean, you can't take less.

It's very easy to take more than nothing.

- Nobody asked your opinion!

- Who's making personal remarks now!

- Why did they live at the bottom of a well?

- It was a treacle well!

- But there's no such - (shushing) - If you can't be civil, you better finish the story yourself!

- No, please go on.

I won't interrupt again.

I daresay there may be one.

- One indeed.

And so, these three little sisters, they were learning to draw.

- What did they draw?

- Treacle!

- I don't understand, where would they draw the treacle from?

- You can draw water out of a water well, I should hope you could draw treacle out of a treacle well, huh?

Stupid!

- But they were in the well!

- Of course they were.

Well in!

And so, these three little sisters, they were learning to draw and they drew all manners of things.

Everything that begins with an M!

- Why with an M?

- Why not?

- Everything that begins with an M, such like moon, and memory, mousetraps, and muchness.

You know you say there's such a thing as much of muchness.

Did you ever see a drawing of a muchness?

- Well, really, now you've asked me.

I don't think - - Then you shouldn't talk!

- Really?

Well, I'll never come here again.

This is the stupidest tea party I was ever at in all my life!

- And so these three little sisters they were learning to twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle.

(bright piano music) - The fifth square!

Now let me see, according to these instructions I should be in the next square by now!

I beg your pardon!

- It's not polite to beg.

- I mean, could you tell me who you are?

- I am the Griffin!

- Why, I always thought griffins were fabulous monsters!

- And who, or rather, what, are you?

- My name is Alice, and I think I'm a child.

- You know, I always thought that children were fabulous monsters.

I've never seen one alive before.

- Why we're not monsters at all!

- Well, now that we've seen each other, if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you.

Is that a bargain?

- Yes, if you like.

(sobbing) But who is that?

- That is the Mock Turtle!

- I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is!

- Well, it's the thing that Mock Turtle Soup is made from.

- Why is she so sad?

- Oh, she hasn't got no sorrow, it's all her fancy.

- Hello, Mock Turtle!

- Hello, oh, oh oh!

- This here lady wants for to know your history, she do!

- Well I'll tell it to her!

Sit down, both of you.

And don't you speak a word 'til I've finished.

Once I was a real turtle!

When we were little, we went to school in the sea.

The master was an old turtle.

We used to call him Tortoise.

- Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasn't one?

- We called him Tortoise because he taught us!

(laughing) Really you are very dull.

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself, askin' such a simple question.

Drive on home, girl.

- We had the best of educations.

In fact, we went to school in the sea every day.

- I've been to a day school, too!

You needn't be as proud as all that.

- With extras?

A day school with extras?

- Yes, we learned French and music!

- And washing?

- Certainly not!

- Then yours wasn't a really good school.

Now, at ours, we had, at the end of the bill, French, music, and washing extra!

- You couldn't have wanted it much, living at the bottom of the sea!

- Oh I couldn't afford to learn it.

I only took the regular course.

- What was that?

- Reeling and writhing, to begin with.

Then, the different branches of arithmetic.

Ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision.

- I've never heard of uglification, what was that like?

- You've never heard of uglifying?

Well, you know what to beautify is, I suppose?

- Oh, yes, that means to make anything prettier.

- Well, if you don't know what to uglify is, you're a simpleton!

- What else had you to learn, Mock Turtle?

- Oh, there was mystery, mystery, ancient and modern.

And seography, then drawing.

The drawing master was an old conger eel that used to come in once a week.

He taught drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils.

Ooo, oo, thank you.

- What was that like?

- Can't show you myself, too stiff!

And the Griffin, he never learned it.

- Hadn't I, I went to the old classical master.

He was an old crab, he was.

- I never went to him, he taught laughing and grief.

- So he did, so he did.

- And how many hours a day did you do lessons?

- Oo, ten hours the first day, nine the next, eight the next and so on and so on and so on and so on!

- What a curious plan!

- Well that's the reason they're called lessons!

Because they lessen from day to day!

- Maybe that's why it's called a holiday!

- Of course that's why!

(humming) What did you do on the 12th?

- That's enough about lessons.

Tell her about the games now!

(Mock Turtle groaning and grunting) - Thank you!

- Sounded as if she had a bone in her throat.

- You may not live much under the sea.

- I haven't.

- Perhaps you were never introduced to a lobster?

- I once tasted, no, never!

- Then you can have no idea what a delightful thing a lobster quadrille is!

- No, indeed.

What sort of a dance is it?

- Oh, would you like to see?

It's lovely!

- Oh, very much indeed.

- Come, let's try the first figure.

We can do it without the lobsters, you know.

Which should sing?

- Oh, you sing.

I've forgotten the words.

(gentle piano music) ♪ Will you walk a little faster ♪ ♪ Said a whiting to a snail ♪ There's a porpoise close behind us ♪ ♪ And he's treading on my tail ♪ See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance ♪ ♪ They are waiting on the seashore ♪ ♪ Will you come and join the dance ♪ ♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you ♪ ♪ Will you join the dance ♪ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you ♪ ♪ Will you join the dance ♪ You can really have no notion ♪ ♪ How delightful it will be ♪ When they take us up and throw us ♪ ♪ With the lobsters out to sea ♪ But the snail replied too far, too far ♪ ♪ Gave a look askance ♪ Said he, thank you, whiting, kindly ♪ ♪ But he would not join the dance ♪ ♪ Would not, could not, would not, could not ♪ ♪ Would not join the dance ♪ Would not, could not, would not, could not ♪ ♪ Would not join the dance ♪ What matters it how far we go ♪ ♪ His scaly friend replied ♪ There is another shore, you know, upon the other side ♪ ♪ The further off of England ♪ The nearer is to France ♪ Then turned the pale beloved snail ♪ ♪ But come and join the dance ♪ Will you won't you, will you won't you ♪ ♪ Will you join the dance ♪ Will you won't you, will you won't you ♪ ♪ Will you join the dance (all vocalizing) - Oh, what an interesting dance!

Oh, and I do so like that curious song about the whiting.

- Oo, as to the whiting, well, you've seen them of course?

- Oh, yes, I've often seen them at din - - Well, I don't know what din may be but if you've seen them, then you know what they look like.

- You know why they're called a whiting, I suppose?

- I never thought about it, why?

- Because they do the boots and shoes!

- Do the boots and shoes?

- Why, what are you shoes done with and what makes 'em so shiny?

- Why, they're done with blacking, I believe!

- Why, shoes under the seas are done with whiting!

Now you know!

- What are they made of?

- Soles and eels, of course.

Any shrimp could have told you that!

- If I had been a whiting, I'd have said to the porpoise keep back please, we don't want you with us.

- Well, oh, no!

No wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise!

- Wouldn't it really?

- Why no!

Well, if a fish came up to me and said that he was going on a journey, well I should say, with what porpoise!

(laughing) - Don't you mean purpose?

- I mean what I say!

- Would you like to try another figure of the lobster quadrille?

Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?

- Oh, yes, a song please!

If the Mock Turtle would be so kind!

- Oh, oh.

- No account for tastes!

Sing of Turtle Soup, old girl!

(gentle piano music) ♪ Beautiful soup ♪ So rich and green ♪ Waiting in a hot tureen ♪ Who for such dainties would not stoop ♪ ♪ Soup of the evening, beautiful soup ♪ ♪ Soup of the evening, beautiful soup ♪ ♪ Beautiful soup (vocalizing) ♪ Beautiful soup - Oh, thank you!

Oh thank you ever so much.

Oh, thank you, Mock Turtle.

Oh, and thank you too, Griffin!

And now I really must be going, I'm going to be a queen when I get to the eighth square, you know!

Goodbye!

(jaunty piano music) (frantic piano music) Oo, what a wind, what a wind!

Oo!

Oo!

Why my shawl's been blown off!

And I have to be on my way!

- Bread and butter, bread and butter.

(both exclaiming) - Are you dressing the White Queen?

- Why, yes, if you call that a dressing!

It isn't my notion of a thing at all.

- Well, if Your Majesty would just tell me the way to begin, I'll do it as best I can!

- I don't know what dressing to do and I've been dressing myself for hours!

- Every single thing is perfect and she's all over here!

May I set your shawl straight for you?

- I don't know what the matter with it is!

It's out of temper I think.

I pinned it here, and I pinned it there but there's no pleasing it.

- And dear me, what a state your hair is in!

- The brush has gotten tangled in it!

And I lost the comb yesterday.

- Come, you look rather lovely now, but really you should have a lady's name!

- I'm sure I'll tell you with pleasure, tuppance a week and jam every other day!

- I don't want you to hire me, and I don't care for jam.

- It's very good jam!

- Well, I don't want any today, at any rate.

- But you couldn't have any today if you did want it!

The rule is jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today!

- Well it must come sometime to jam today!

- Oh, no, it can't, it's every other day.

Today isn't just any other day, you know.

- I don't understand.

It's dreadfully confusing.

- But that's the effect of living backwards.

It always makes one a little giddy at first.

- Living backwards, why, I never heard of such a thing!

- But there is one great advantage in it.

One's memory works both ways!

- Oh, I'm sure mine only works one way, I can't remember things before they happen!

- It's a poor sort of memory that only works one way.

- What sort of things do you remember best?

- Why, things that happened the week after next!

For instance, now, there's the king's messenger.

He's in prison now being punished and the trial doesn't even begin until next Wednesday and of course, the crime comes last of all!

- But suppose he never commits the crime.

- That would be better, wouldn't it?

- Of course it would be better, but it wouldn't be better his being punished!

- Oh, no, no, you're wrong there at any rate.

Weren't you ever punished?

- Only for faults!

- And you were all the better for it, I know.

- Yes, but then you see I had done the things I was punished for and that's what makes all the difference!

- But if you hadn't done them, you would have been better still!

Better and better and better - - Always a mistake somewhere!

- Oh, my finger's bleeding!

- Have you pricked your finger?

- No, I haven't pricked it yet, but I shall soon!

- When do you expect to do it?

- When I fasten my shawl again!

The brooch will come undone directly.

Oh, there it goes!

- Oh, take care, you're holding your shawl up, oh no!

(screams) - There, you see!

That accounts for the bleeding.

Now you understand the way things happen here.

- But why don't you scream now?

- But I've done all the screaming already!

What would be the good of doing it all over again?

- I'm glad it's getting lighter.

I thought it was the night coming on.

- Oh, I wish I could manage to be glad.

Only I can never remember the rule.

You must be very happy, living in this wood and being glad whenever you like.

- Only, it's so very lonely here.

- Oh, don't go on like that.

Oh, consider what a big girl you are!

Consider what a long way you've come today!

(Alice crying) Consider what a clock it is!

Consider anything only don't cry!

(both crying) - Can you keep un-crying by considering things?

- Yes!

That's the way it's done, you know!

Nobody can do two things at once!

Now, let's consider your age to begin with.

How old are you?

- Seven!

And a half, exactly!

- Oh, you needn't say exactly!

I can believe it without that.

Now, I'll give you something to believe.

I'm just 101, five months and a day!

- I can't believe that!

- Oh yes you can.

Try again!

Draw a long breath and shut your eyes!

- It's no use.

One can't believe impossible things.

- Well, I daresay you haven't had much practice.

Now, when I was your age, I used to do it for a half an hour a day.

Why, sometimes, I used to believe as many as six impossible things often before breakfast!

There goes my shawl again.

Now you shall see me pin it on all by myself.

- I hope your finger is better now.

- Much better, much better.

Well, I must be off.

I'll see you two squares from now!

Two squares, goodbye!

- Goodbye!

- Goodbye!

- Curiouser and curiouser!

She's gone.

Oh, but I must get on to the next square.

Let me see what the Red Queen wrote.

To get into the seventh square, you turn and turn and stare and stare.

Turn and turn and stare and stare?

Turn and turn and stare and stare.

Turn and turn and stare and stare.

Turn and turn and stare and stare.

And turn and turn and stare and stare.

Turn and turn and stare and stare.

And turn and turn and stare and stare!

And turn and turn and stare and stare.

And turn and turn and stare and stare.

And turn and turn and stare and - Why, it's Humpty Dumpty himself!

And how exactly like an egg he looks!

- It's very provoking to be called an egg, very.

- Oh, I said you looked like an egg, sir.

And some eggs are very pretty, you know.

- Some people have no more sense than a baby.

♪ Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall ♪ Humpty Dumpty had a great fall ♪ ♪ And all the king's horses and all the king's men ♪ ♪ Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back up in his place again ♪ That last line is much too long for poetry.

- Don't start now mumbling.

State your name and business.

- My name is Alice.

- Stupid enough name, what does it mean?

- Must a name mean something?

- Why of course it must.

Now, my name means the shape I am and a good handsome shape it is, too.

With a name like yours, you could be any old shape at all.

- Could you tell me please why you sit here all alone?

- Because there's nobody with me, of course!

What easy riddles you ask!

Ask me another, didn't think I knew the answer to that one!

- Don't you think you'd be safer on the ground?

This wall is very narrow!

- Of course I don't think so.

If I ever did fall off, there's no chance of it, but if I did the King has promised me with his own mouth - - I know, to send all of his horses and all of his men!

- You've been listening at doors and down chimneys, you couldn't have known!

- I've done nothing of the sort.

It's in a book.

- In a book?

- In a book.

- In a book?

Ah, well, they might write such things in a book.

- What a beautiful belt you have.

Or is it a cravat?

Oh, dear, I can't tell where the neck leaves off and the waist begins!

- It's a most provoking thing, a most provoking thing indeed, when a person can't tell a belt from a cravat.

- I know, it's very ignorant of me.

- It's a cravat, my child.

It was given to me for an unbirthday present.

- I beg your pardon?

- I'm not offended.

- I mean, what's an unbirthday present?

- A present given when it's not your birthday, naturally.

- Oh, I like birthday presents better.

- Wrong.

How many days in the year are there, answer me that.

- Why, 365!

- Yes, now.

How many birthdays have you?

- One, of course.

- So, there's one day in which to get birthday presents, and 360, 60 - - 64.

- Just so.

364 days for unbirthday presents!

There's glory for you.

- I don't know what you mean by glory?

- Of course you don't, not 'til I tell you what it means.

It means there's a nice knock-down argument for you.

- But that isn't what glory means!

- When I use a word, it means what I want it to mean, neither more nor less.

- Question is whether you can make a word mean so many different things!

- The question is, which is to be the master?

The word, or us?

Now, some of these words have fearful tempers, you know.

Verbs, for instance.

Adjectives you can almost anything you like with.

But verbs, impenetrability, that's what I say!

- Could you tell me, please, what that means?

- Now you're talking reasonably.

It means that we've had enough of this subject and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean to do next as I suppose you don't intend to stay here all your life.

- That's an awful lot for one word to mean!

- Well, I make a word do a lot of work.

Ah, child.

You should hear me at poetry.

- Oh, I should like that.

- Would you?

Now, this piece I'm going to recite was written entirely for your amusement.

- Thank you!

- I sent a message to the fish, I told them this is what I wish.

The little fishies' answer was, we cannot do it sir, because!

- I'm afraid I don't quite understand.

- It gets easier further on.

Then someone came to me and said the little fishies are in bed.

I took a corkscrew from the shelf and I went to wake them up myself.

And when I found the door was locked, I pulled, I pushed, I kicked, I knocked.

And when I found the door was shut, I tried to turn the handle but!

- Is that all?

- That is all.

Good-bye.

- Well of all the unsatisfactory people I ever met.

But no matter.

Now for the eighth square, and I'm going to be a queen!

(bright piano music) - What is this on my head?

A crown!

Well, this is grand.

I never expected I should be queen so soon!

Would you tell me, please - - Speak when you're spoken to.

- Well, if you want to be that rude and only spoke when you were spoken to, and the other person always waited for you to begin, no one would ever say anything!

- Ridiculous, child!

Why, don't you see, you can't become a queen until you pass the proper examination and the sooner we begin it, the better.

- I only said, if.

- She says she only said if!

- Oh, she said a great deal more than that!

Oh, ever so much more than that!

- So you did, you know.

Always speak the truth, think before you speak, and write it down afterwards.

- Well, I'm sure I didn't mean to - - That's just what I complain of!

You should have meant.

Now what do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning?

Even a joke should have some meaning!

And the joke's more important than a joke, I hope.

You couldn't deny that even if you tried with both hands.

- I don't deny things with my hands.

- Nobody said you did.

I said you couldn't if you tried.

- Oh, she's in that state of mind when she wants to deny something only she doesn't know what to deny!

- A nasty, vicious temper.

I invite you to Alice's party this afternoon.

- And I invite you!

- Well, I didn't know I was to have a party at all!

But if I am to have one I think I should invite the guests.

- We gave you the opportunity of doing it but I daresay you've not had many lessons in manners yet.

- Manners are not taught in lessons.

Lessons teach you to do sums and things of that sort.

- Can you do addition?

What's one and one and one and one and one and one?

- I don't know, I lost count!

- She can't do addition!

Can you do subtraction?

Take a bone from a dog and what remains?

- Well, the bone wouldn't remain, for I took it.

And the dog wouldn't remain.

He would bite me so I shouldn't remain.

- Then you think nothing would remain?

- Yes!

- Wrong!

The dog's temper would remain.

- Well, I don't see how - - Oh, don't you see child, the dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it?

- Perhaps it would.

- And if the dog went away, its temper would remain.

- Well, they might go different ways?

Oh, dear me, what dreadful nonsense we are talking.

- She can't do sums a bit!

- Can you do sums?

- Well, I can do addition, if you give me time.

But I can't do subtraction under any circumstances.

- Of course, you know your ABC.

- Oh, yes, to be sure I do.

- So do I.

We'll say it over often together, dear, and I'll tell you a secret.

I can read words of one letter, isn't that grand?

However, don't be discouraged, you'll come to it in time.

- Of course, you can answer useful questions.

How is bread made?

- Oh, I know that.

First you take some flour - - Where do you take the flour, in the garden or in the hedges?

- Why it's not picked at all, it's ground!

- Well, how many acres of ground?

Oh, come child, you mustn't leave out so many things!

- Oh, fainter heads should be feverish after so much thinking.

There, she's better now.

Of course you know languages.

What's the French for fiddle-dee-dee?

- Fiddle-dee-dee's not English!

- Well, who said it was?

- Well, if you tell me what language fiddle-dee-dee is I'll give you the French for it!

- Queens never make bargains.

- I wish queens never asked questions.

- Oh, don't let us quarrel.

What is the cause of lightning?

- The cause of lightning is the thunder.

No, I meant that the other way around!

- Oh, it's too late to correct it, once you've said a thing that fixes it and you must take the consequences.

- Which reminds me, we had such a thunderstorm last Tuesday.

Oh, I mean the last set of Tuesdays, you know?

- In our country, we only have one day at a time!

- Oo, a poor thing where you do things.

Now here you see, we mostly take days and nights two or three at a time and sometimes in the winter, we take as many as five nights together for warmth you know.

- Are five nights warmer than one night, then?

- Five times as warm, of course!

- Humpty Dumpty saw it too, he came to the door with a corkscrew in his hand.

- What did he want?

- Well he said he would come in because he was looking for a hippopotamus, now as it happens, there didn't happen to be such a thing in the house that day.

- Is there generally?

- Well, only on Thursdays.

- I know what he came for, he wanted to punish the fish because - - Oh, it was such a thunderstorm you can't think!

- She never could you know.

- And part of the roof came off and ever so much thunder got in and went rolling around the rooms in great lumps knocking over tables and chairs and things until I was so frightened I couldn't even remember my own name!

- I should never try to remember my name in the midst of an accident.

Where would be the use of it?

- Oh, Your Majesty must excuse us, she never was really well brought up, you know.

But it's amazing how determined she is.

Pat her on the head and see how pleased she'll be.

A little kindness and putting her hair in papers would do wonders for her.

- I am so sleepy.

- Aw, she's tired, poor thing!

Smooth her hair and lend her a nightcap, and sing her a soothing lullaby.

- I'm afraid I don't have a nightcap with me and I don't know any soothing lullabies.

- Then I must do it myself.

♪ Hush-a-Bye baby, Alice has left ♪ ♪ Til the wee sun, it'll be time for a nap ♪ ♪ When the feast's over we'll go to the ball ♪ ♪ Red Queen and White Queen and Alice and all ♪ And now you know the words, sing it through to me, I'm getting sleepy too.

(snoring) - Oh, what am I to do?

Do wake up you heavy things.

I don't think it ever happened before that anybody had to take care of two queens asleep at once.

Oh, it couldn't you know, because there was always only one queen at a time.

(whistling) (snoring) - Wake up, wake up, wake up!

The other guests are coming for Queen Alice's coronation!

- Oh, Queen Alice's health!

- Queen Alice's health!

♪ Oh, looking glass creatures ♪ Toward Alice, draw near ♪ Tis a pleasure to see you ♪ An honor to hear ♪ Tis a privilege high to take dinner and tea ♪ ♪ Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me ♪ ♪ So fill up your glasses with twinkles and ink ♪ ♪ And everything else that is pleasant to drink ♪ ♪ Mix sand with the cider ♪ And wool with the wine ♪ And welcome Queen Alice ♪ Queen Alice ♪ Queen Alice ♪ With 90 times nine (jaunty piano music) Oh, oh!

Where are they?

Where are they?

They left me all alone?

(bright piano music) They're gone.

They're gone.

They've left me all alone.

Kitty, I'm going to tell you about my dream.

It was a beautiful dream.

It was a dream.

- Hi kids, did you like the show?

(all chattering) - Thank you so much!

Really?

(jaunty music)