(upbeat techno music) - [Narrator] The following program is a videotaped production of the Maine Public Broadcasting Network.

(somber guitar music) - Charlie had a herring weir, down to Bailey's bight and he get up to tend it in the middle of the night.

Late October midnight, black as tie, nothing out the window, but a big cold star.

House, like a cemetery, kitchen fire dead.

I've damn good mine says Charlie to go back to bed.

Man who runs a herring weir even on the side, is nothing but a slave to the God damn tide.

A man feels meager.

A man feels old and pitch black midnight, lonesome and cold.

Chills in his stomach, like 40,000 mice.

And the very buttons on his pants, little lumps of ice.

Times he gets to feeling, it's no damn use, so Charlie had a pitcher full in his orange juice.

And he felt better than he had before, so he had another pitcher full to last him to the shore.

Down by the beach rocks under a tree, Charlie saw something he never thought he'd see.

Sparkling in the lantern light as he went to pass, with three big diamonds in the frosty grass.

Hmm, he said diamonds, where did they come from?

I will pick them up later on, I always wanted some.

Then he hauled in his Dory, she felt light as air.

And in the dark midnight rode off to tend weir.

Out by the weir gate, Charlie found an old sea serpent, swimming round and round.

Head like a wash tub, whiskers like thatch, breath like the flame on a Portland star match.

Black in the lantern light, up he rose.

A great big barnacle on the end of his nose.

He looked Charlie over, surly and cross "Them fish who got shut up in there, belongs to my boss."

"Fish?"

says Charlie, "Fish in there?"

Well I ain't caught a fish since I built the damn weir.

Well says the sea serpent, nevertheless, it's 10,000 bushels, at a rough guess.

Charlie moved the lantern, gave his oars a pull and he could see that weir was brim belay, full.

Fish rising out of water, a trillion at a time.

And the side of each and everyone was like a silver dime.

Well said the sea serpent, what are you going to do?

They're uncomfortable, and they don't belong to you.

So open this contraption up and let them go.

Come on, shake the lead out, the boss says so.

He does, says Charlie.

Who the hell is he thinks he can sit back and send word to me.

Sea serpent swiveled round and made a water spout.

Keep on brother and you will find out, why Charlie says, you are nothing but a lie.

So hold your horry.

So take your dirty whiskers off the Gunnel and my Dory.

Sea serpent twizzled heaved underneath, scunned back a set of sharp yellow teeth.

He came at Charlie with a gurgly roar, and Charlie let him have it with a port side oar.

Right on the nogging, hell of a knock.

And the old sea serpent sank like a rock.

So go on back, yells Charlie, and tell the old jerk, not to send the boy to do a man's work.

Then over by the weir gate, tinkly and clear, a pretty little voice said, yoo hoo, Charlie dear.

Now what, says Charlie?

This ain't funny.

And the same sweet voice says, yoo hoo, Charlie, honey.

They're on the same pole right in the weir, was a little green mermaid combing out her hair.

All right, says Charlie, I see you.

And I know who you come from, so you get too.

He let fly the baling scoop, it landed with a clunk.

And when the water settled, the mermaid, she had sunk.

Then the ocean moved behind him, with a mighty heave and hiss.

And the thundery rumbly voice remarked, I am God damn sick of this.

And up come an old man, white from top to toe, whiter than the daisy field, whiter than the snow.

Carrying a pitchfork with three tines on it, muttering in his whiskers and madder than a hornet.

My sea serpent is so lame, he can hardly stir and my best mermaid, you have raised a lump on her.

You have been pretty sassy calling me a jerk.

So now the old man has come to do a man's work.

Look, says Charlie, why don't you leave me be, you may be the horry old man of the sea, but I gotta run of fish here shut up inside.

You keep frigging around, you make me lose the tide.

(man laughs) The next thing Charlie knew he was laying on the sand.

The painter of his Dory was right beside his hand.

He could see across the bay, calm and still and wide.

It was full daylight and it was high tide.

Hmm, says Charlie, what am I about?

The oars weren't wet, so he hadn't been out.

Oh, he thought, diamonds under a tree.

Seems to me, I found some, I'd better go see.

But he couldn't find any, not one gem.

Only three little owl dungs with the frost on them.

(somber guitar music) Owl dungs, huh.

Ruth Moore sure can write some funny stories.

But I don't feel like reading this morning.

Well, as a feller says, if you can't dance and it's too wet to plow, you can always go visit him.

I believe I'll stop in to see Bill Gagnon.

(somber guitar music) Well, I understand we are going to have a moose season in Maine this year.

You ever done any moose hunting?

- Yes, I used to do some moose hunting up in Newfoundland and Labrador.

But the last moose I shoot a few years ago, way about, better than 1200 pound and over two miles from the camp and I thought, no more of that.

So from now on, I just as soon to watch it run around and I enjoy that more, better than having it in my freezer.

Yeah, I like moose meat alright.

Or remind me, I heard a story about a moose.

I don't know, did you ever hear that.

This fellow from Hartford, Connecticut.

He was a sportsman and he wanted to go deer hunt.

So he write a answer to advertise in a magazine to go up to Moosehead lake hunt.

So he get a letter back two three days behind that and it say the best time come going to be the 1st November, going to be open season that time.

So he make reservation for that.

So when it comes to last day, before November.

He load all the stuff he got, put that in his automobile and he set for Bangor.

But he got so far as Portland and started to snow a little bit He didn't like that pretty good, but it didn't snow too hard enough so he keep going.

When he get the Bangor was snow hard, like anything.

And he looked the map, he get it.

He got another 75 miles to went too.

So he says, I gotta try anyway.

So he make the drive and he got the hard trouble.

The snow was blowing and drifting and bang, he got a flat rubber tire on that.

(man laughing) He didn't like that pretty good too.

It was snow hard, gee, he got snow drift everything.

So anyway, he get out and change that rubber tire.

He got a pump with it and then he pump full of wind, get it all fixed up again.

He get in, he make the drive.

Anyway, it was late.

It was more 12 o'clock in the night, when he land up the sport camp.

So he pound on the door and the boss man, open the door and looks, say, hello, that's you?

The guy say, I don't see somebody else must be me.

So he says, well come then.

He said, why you didn't come more early than that?

Well, he says, I've been all this time since yesterday.

Get up this place now, it was hard travel.

Well he say, you get ready, I'm gonna show you bedroom, and then I'm gonna call you four o'clock in the morning, go hunt.

So it was about two o'clock in the morning now, when you get ready and went to bed.

About four o'clock, the boss man comes, say, get up now it's time, get up, get breakfast and go hunt.

So he'd get himself up, come downstairs.

And boy, it didn't take long to spend all night up this place.

(man laughs) So anyway, he's some brand new secondhand bean and biscuit.

Then the boss man say, you're going to be daytime in a little while now or daylight, he says.

So I want you gonna walk up the tote road.

And you're gonna find some nice, fresh deer track because it just get done snow tonight and you follow those deer track and you are going to shoot the deers.

So he say, okay.

So he grabbed the gun he got, and he walk up the tote road over more half a mile, and bumbye he find nice big deer track.

They get over was a big one.

Geez, that's the one I want.

So he make the side, he put the cock on his gun, you know, and he start follow those track.

And he follow him all day that morning and come noontime and start the rain, rain hard.

And you keep falling bumbye the tracks, start get washed out a little bit.

And he didn't like that pretty good.

And then he think he didn't know where he was, so he got to get back to the cabin before dark.

So he turned around, he started to run back.

Bumbye the start getting a little more dark and he'd go more fast.

And bumbye just good and dark, when he land on a tote road.

So anyway, he walk in the camp and dragged the gun by the muzzle.

He was all bush out.

And the boss man say, you got something?

And he says, no, he didn't.

I think I'm gonna went back home.

Bloke, he said, I know you had a hot night last night and you didn't sleep very much, but he says, you go upstairs, took a bath and come down, had good hot supper.

And I'm going give you a nice drink whiskey before supper.

Tomorrow, you're going to get up rested and go get your deer and you are going to be happy after that.

So he went upstairs and change his clothes, take a bath, everything, come downstairs, and he look for that drink, he want that.

You know, boy he was drooling.

So anyway, the guy get a fit of whiskey and a little whiskey glass about that high.

And you come over and he pour about half inch in the bottom of the glass.

He says, here, put that under your belt.

The guy looks says, how old is it that?

And the guy says, well, I don't know, but I got in this camp more 20 years.

Gosh, he says, he's awful small for his age.

So anyway, he drink that and didn't took too long too, you know.

But then he sit down and eat a good supper, baked bean and biscuit again.

And when he get all done, he stand himself up.

Oh, well, I gonna went to bed, I guess, now I get ready.

And he look on the wall, gee, they got a great big moose's head to hang on the wall.

He look on that, and he say to boss man.

Did you shot that?

And the guy say, no, I didn't.

He said, why you get it?

Somebody give you that.

No, he said.

Last fall, he said, I was painting to do some work around the camp here.

He says, and one night while I was painting the floor, I hear a noise.

In the window looked and that moose got his face stick right in the window.

Gee, I was scared, like anything.

I blow out the lantern and went to bed.

And the next, this morning the moose was gone.

But that night he come back again.

He come back every night for about a week, about nine o'clock in the night.

And all once one day, the game warden come by.

And I was told him about that.

And he said, did you shot it?

And I said, oh no, you can't shot that or closed season on it.

That's right.

He's look, you painted on it.

You must have some turpentine.

Oh yeah.

I got five gallon can turpentine.

Well, he said, look, you put some in the tin can tonight.

And you put that someplace where you can get it quick.

And if that moose come back again, you grab that tin can and go to the window and throw that on his face.

That's gonna burn his eye and his mouth so bad here.

He gonna run away, he ain't gonna come back again.

So the game warden left, he says, and that night I was working around.

Sure enough, the moose come back again.

So I went over and grabbed that can of turpentine, I sneak up by the window and he says, I wind up and let that went.

And instead of hit that moose in the face, he turned around quick, go the other way and hit him right under the tail.

Then boys, the boys didn't let burn.

And that poor moose he start the balance, knocking, blowing, and party, scratch himself on the stone wall.

And he ran around the cabinet, blowing better, some wall pond back to the stonewall and scratch again.

And he keep going there that way all night long and scratching himself.

And the next morning the guy says, I went out and pick up the head and hanging it up.

That's all they had left of him there.

(man laughing) I didn't know.

Did you hear that moose story or not?

- No, I never did.

- It's quite a story.

(man laughing) You know, a lot of place, I go talk.

I told that story and they like that.

They like a lot of, lot of story.

- There was another fellow from Hartford, Connecticut came up here to Maine, you know, to go deer hunting and he get into this hunting camp and there was a whole bunch of other hunters there.

And he was the newest man in the crowd.

And he'd never been in the woods before in his life.

And it was dark and he was scared of Maine woods, but it was his turn to go get a bucket of water.

Well, he didn't want to go, but he took that bucket anyway.

And he went down to the pond to get a bucket of water for the camp.

Few minutes later back he'd come.

And he took the door right off the hinges when he came in through and he was scared to death.

His eyes was walled right out like two door knobs.

And he'd lost the pail.

And the guide says, what's the matter with you?

Well, he says, when he got his breath back, he says, there's a bear in that pond.

Well, the guide says, hell, that bear is as least as much afraid of you as you are of him.

Attend the foot, he says, well, if that's the case that water ain't fit to drink anyway.

- Oh boy.

This guy had an airplane and he was down the airport flying around and he had enough.

So he come down, he land in a runway.

And then he taxi the cab up to the hang up and he would go, hang his, put his plane away.

And he start to walk over toward his automobile.

And he look, he see, somebody was, come toward it.

He didn't know who it was, but he think he did.

That looked like somebody I used to know, who is it?

So when he get more near enough, it was the guy who take it, he is too.

So they shake hand.

They was in the first world war number two together, you know.

They shake hand and talk reminisce about this, that and something else.

And anyway, after a while the guy say, Harry, he says, you like to fly?

No, no, not me.

You don't.

No.

He, boy, I like that.

He says, I got a plane.

He says, come on, I'm gonna took you for a ride.

Oh no, he says, I don't.

I'm afraid of those things.

Look, you don't wanna be afraid of that.

One of the most safe thing, they got in the world today, aeroplanes.

Million of those things.

Oh, Jeez, I don't know.

Come on, come on.

Don't be chicken.

I'll take you for little ride, he says.

And won't be long and I know you're gonna like that.

Well he cokes at fire enough anyway.

So after a while he say, okay, you're gonna try it.

So they both get in there airplane, and he taxi cab out to the runaway and warm it up a little bit.

Didn't took too long, it was already hot.

So when he started wind it up and he take off and Geez went away, fly high in the sky.

And it was a nice clam day, you know, the wind didn't blow.

She was pretty like anything, they floated along good.

And they keep talking, bumbye they fly over Atlantic field.

There was a football game going down that place.

So the pilot, he looked down, he say, Harry, look, they got a football game going down that place.

Watch, we're gonna have some fun with them.

So he, make the dive like that go way down, almost down the ground.

And everybody, they run, they think they're gonna be a crack up, you know?

Jeez, then he scoop up quick like that.

And he float up around when get away high again, he is there.

How you like that boys says, I bet you half the people down that place thought there was gonna be a accident.

He said, half the people up this place did have a accident.

(Man laughing) That story always go good.

I don't know.

Do you hear the one about the reporter?

- No.

- This reporter, that's the guy, want to write something for the newspaper.

- Yeah.

- That he got something to write about.

Well, anyway, this guy was one of that.

So anyway, today he's gonna had a different story.

So he went out to the old man's home.

He walk in, they got three old gentlemen there, two was played cribbage.

And the other guy sit at the table, read a book or something.

And so he walk up one of the guy and he says, well, grandpa, how old you are?

And old guy got to look up and he says, I am eighty seven.

Boy, that's a pretty good ripe old age.

What is it you attribute your longevity on that?

Well, tell you she was little, pretty good clean life.

Never worked too hard.

Never drank, never smoked, too good care of myself.

And I figured that's what did it.

Well, that's pretty good.

And he write all those stuff down, you know.

So then he turned around the other old guy and he says, Grampy, how old you are?

He look up and he says, ninety six.

Ninety six.

Yep.

Boy, what did you attribute to your longevity on that?

Well, pretty much like Charlie here, he says, lived good clean life, never smoked, never drank, never bothered with women.

All I got plenty of rest.

Went to bed early, get up early.

Took good care of myself.

And I figured that's what did it.

Well is that's good too.

When you write all those down and turn around, he says the other old guy, well, grandpa kind of life you lead?

Well, he says, I'll tell ya.

I started drinking and smoking when I was on about knee height to nothing.

Raised hell all my life, never did anything right.

Slept in a gutter more nights than I ever slept in a bed.

By God, if I lived the 1st of August, I'm going to be fifty eight.

(man laughing) They'd always go, all right.

(man laughing) - The old town drunk back home.

He was one of them fellows that, he didn't bother anybody.

Everybody liked him as a matter of fact.

But he was still a town drunk.

He he drank about a quarter whiskey every day of his life.

- Oh boy.

- And he lived quite a little while too.

And he only had one request of the town fathers that when he died, he wanted to be cremated.

Well, they didn't think anything that would have cost.

The day came eventually.

That the old town drunk did die and they was remembering that he wanted to be cremated.

So they went ahead and made the arrangements.

They had him cremated and it took three days to put the fire out.

- Oh yeah.

That reminds me of a story about a drunk.

It was, this guy and his wife have been married together for about 25-30 years, you know.

And he gets some kind of business.

I don't know what is it, but anyway, he had the business.

And the first thing, you know, business that be not so good, like it used to be.

But he didn't like that.

But so he started work more hard.

But business still keep, go down the hill.

And he worked hard like anything and keep getting worser.

First thing you know, he start for drink a little bit.

That didn't help pretty good too.

But the more he drink, the more worse the business get it.

'Cause the more worse the business get, the more he drunk.

The first thing he didn't know, he was a alcoholic.

He was drunk all the time.

So anyway, his wife done everything she could and couldn't get him rid of the liquor.

He drank all the time.

So anyway, she decides she's gonna left him.

So she pack up all the clothes.

She got it and fill a couple suitcase and then she stop and think it's kind of too bad after you've been married with one guy for 25-30 and go left it like that.

So I'm gonna try one another thing.

So she put the clothes away and she went down, see the minister.

She told the minister the trouble she got it.

And wanna know he can prescribe something that she's gonna do, gonna save the marriage.

Or he say, he drunk all the time, he say.

She say, yes.

He said, did you try to broke it?

Broke it, she said, I done everything but broke that neck he got.

Yeah, but did you try something else?

She said, look, I make him sleep on a porch.

I knock him down, she says, I scold him, I do everything.

Don't he ever mind.

He drunk, he come back home drunk, just the same.

Well, he said, did you try to be good with him?

She says, how you can be good with somebody, you don't likes it.

But he says, you must have like the guy one time you marry him.

Yeah, but he didn't drink that time and now he do.

Yeah, but he says, why you don't try to be good with him.

And maybe the surprise is gonna shock him so much, he's gonna stop drink.

Which I don't believe that's gonna work, but I'll try it.

So she went home, like all the other time she do the housework, something, he come in, went right upstairs the bathroom, change his clothes, shave and fix his haircut, come downstairs, grab the door.

And she says, I'll see you later.

And out he'd go.

She said, that's the last time I'm gonna see it sober again.

So she put her on in the evening and watched television in a while.

Along about 10 o'clock, she blow out the lamp.

She sit in the window and watch.

11 o'clock, he didn't come yet.

12 o'clock he didn't come again.

1 o'clock, he didn't come that time.

About two inches before two, before she see him come up the sidewalk, drunk like a teddy bear.

You got all the sidewalk and have the road with him.

Bump in a telephone pole, stop and excuse himself.

Start again, oh, did he have a load on.

Oh my gosh, she said, I gotta go face the music again.

So she get up, open the door and we went down the step and go down the sidewalk and meet him.

She said, oh, how you don't feel pretty good hun?

Oh, he says, I'm all right.

She said, look, now you put your arm around me.

Now I'm gonna put my arm around you.

You had arm on the fence, so we all three ain't gonna fall down.

And she's helping along and got a hard trouble.

She get at the door there, but she get him up over there in a while and in through the door.

And when he's got that far, she push it.

He land right in a big, easy chair.

Thank God for that, she said.

So she went in and take off the two shoe, put on the bed slipper, take off the neck tie and unbutton his shirt.

And she went upstairs the bathroom and get a dish rag with cold water and washes two fists and hand.

And comb the haircut and there she says, you look more better already, honey.

Come on, sweetheart, said we're gonna go upstairs and go to bed now.

And tomorrow morning, you're gonna feel, all like a brand new man.

Well, he says I'm might just as well, as I'm going to get hell when I get home, anyway.

(man laughing) This fellow, he went in, he was a little Frenchman.

He was only about that all.

And he walked in the saloon, he'd throw 25 cents on the corner there.

He say to the bartender, I like they had a glass of ale.

So the bartender pump in one of that.

And he slide the glass over and the little Frenchman reached up and grabbed that glass and take a sip in it, put that back.

And then he put his feet on that handlebar on the bottom there.

And he was smack his lip, you know, like that.

And about that time, the big guy right near him, he chop, chop, chop, chop.

Down the poor guy went, just like a bag of rock.

He looked up, he is why you done that.

The big guy laughs and says that was karate from China.

Little Frenchman, he didn't like that pretty good.

Anyway, reach up, took the glass, took another sip put that back again.

He put his feet on that handlebar again and he think, I wonder why cause he done that.

About that time, chop, chop, chop, down he go again.

Poor little bug he turned around, he why you done that?

Big guy laughed and he says, that was judo from Japan.

Little Frenchman, he didn't like that so good than he did the first one.

He reached up, took the glasses and he drink them all.

And he put that back again and he run out to his automobile and he come back in with a paper bag in his hand, he sneak up behind that big guy.

And he clunk, the guy went down like I'm dead.

He said the Frenchman said to the bartender, when that guy come through, tell him that was a Thai eye and from sea's robot.

(man laughing) Oh boy, you know, I wanted get, start tell the story.

I don't know to stop it.

So I might as well keep going.

When you got enough, you can tell me about that.

It was a following time, he didn't have a job anymore.

He used for had one, but he lost it.

So now he ain't got one and he couldn't find one.

He answer all the advertise he got in the paper, but nobody, they didn't hire it.

So bumbye, he didn't have something to eat.

So he go down to city hall and he go see the city management.

And he say, Mr management, he says, I get had some help.

He says, I got a family and my wife and I ain't got a job and I can't feed it.

I ain't got something else to eat.

So I wish you were gonna help me.

The guy say, well, did you try to get a job?

He said, I try everything.

Anyway, I hear about a job.

I go look for that, but I can't get it.

Well, he said, did we give you a job?

Work for the city?

Did you took that?

Yeah, sure.

Well, okay.

You come in tomorrow morning.

We're gonna give you a job.

So the next, this morning he come in and the boss say, you're gonna come with me today.

So he took it in the pickup truck with him and he went away up to the town line and he get out and he say, now I want you to take that bucket of paint and that three inch brush.

And I want you to paint a white stripe right down the middle of the road, all the way across town to the next town line.

Okay.

So he paint all that day and later that afternoon the boss think about the guy.

And gee, I gotta go see what he done.

So I went up and look, and the guy was a good worker.

He paint strip three mile long that day.

Boss said, boy, that's a big day's work.

So he went home.

The next morning, when the guy come in, the guy, the boss say, you go pick up where you left off yesterday.

Okay.

So he went up and that day he paint again.

When come night, the boss went and look and he paid two mile that day.

So that's alright.

The next morning he said to him, you go back the same place where you left off.

And he done that.

So late that afternoon, the boss went over to see what he done.

That day, he only paint one mile.

He said, I wonder what happened?

Three mile one day, two and then one.

So he drove down to that guy's house, see him.

The guy come to the door and he say, you like your job paint?

Oh, sure anything.

He says, you like that?

And the guy says, yeah.

You've done a nice job.

He says, thank you.

He's that first day, he says you paint three miles.

Yeah.

That's good?

Yeah.

Very good.

Well, he says, thank you.

He said yesterday, you paint only two mile.

Yeah, that's good?

Yeah, that's good too.

Today, You only paint one mile, what happened?

What happened?

Don't forget, this is my paint bucket is six miles up the road.

(man laughing) I tell you cute story, somebody asked I say that.

There's a teacher one time in the schoolhouse.

She asked all the kid, they're gonna be good that morning, study hard.

And don't whisper and mind their own business.

And afternoon says, I'll take you to the zoo.

So the children all buckled down, you know, and they study hard and they didn't whisper.

They was good kids.

So after dinner time, the teacher says, well, tell the kid now, you was good this morning.

And I told you're gonna took you to the zoo.

So I'm gonna take you with it, now.

She ain't too far enough to the zoo so we gonna walk.

So they all followed the teacher, walk up the sidewalk the way and they come to the zoo.

They walk in, they got a big elephant in the cage.

And so she says, one of the kid, what kind of animal is that?

And the little boy look, he said, that's a elephant.

She said, how you know that?

He said, I can tell it was great, big, big animal with big flappy ears and a tail on both end, you know.

She said that's elephant.

But it went to the next cage and there was a tiger.

And she said to one of the kid, what kind of animal is that?

Boy look said?

That's a tiger.

She said, how you know that?

He says, cause it looks built just like a great big cat.

And they got strip go all around, and that's a tiger.

She, yeah, that's right.

So they went to the next cages and they got a baboon in the cage.

So she said to one of the kids, she said, what kind of animal will that?

I was going, look, I don't know.

She said, you don't know what is it?

He said, no.

Well, tell me, she says, you tell him, what is it?

He said, I don't know what it is too.

You don't know what that animal?

He said, no.

Well come, she said, somebody must know what is it?

She says, you know what it is?

Somebody put up the hand.

She look bumbye this little girl, she put up the hand like that and then take it down again.

So the teacher says, you know, what is it Margaret?

She says, I don't know.

But I think I do.

Well she says, what is it?

She says, well, I think by the expression on his face and the callous is on his rear end, she says, I think it must be a truck driver.

(man laughing) (guitar music) - So I didn't know people like Bill Gagnon.

I think this long Maine winter, probably would drive me crazy.

(somber guitar music) - 'The Ballad of the Night Charley Tended Weir' is from a collection of ballads by Maine author, Ruth Moore.

The collection is entitled 'Cold as a Dog in the Wind Northeast' and was copyrighted by the author in 1958.

(somber guitar music) (upbeat techno music)