(phone rings) - [Operator] 9-1-1.

Please state the nature of your emergency.

- [Filmmaker] A woman is down and she's on the floor and completely out and cold.

- [Operator] Okay, tell me exactly what happened.

- [Filmmaker] We just came up to interview her and we're documentary filmmakers.

Her son is here and he doesn't know.

He's severely autistic.

- [News Anchor] When we learned this morning that Stephanie Lay died over the weekend.

- [Anchor] Unexpectedly at her Windham home over the weekend.

At this point, we do not know how Stephanie Lay died.

- [News Anchor] Remembered as a strong advocate for Bryce.

- [Anchor] Lived for her son, Bryce.

- [News Anchor] With her son, Bryce.

Maine Tex Grilled Salsa is in over a hundred stores in Maine and New Hampshire.

- [News Anchor] She's a tough and tenacious woman, a firecracker.

- [Anchor] And showed firsthand what people with autism can accomplish.

- I want parents to know that regardless of what your situation is, you can work hard.

- [News Anchor] But if you had the pleasure of knowing her, you know, she never wavered.

She was a mother who fiercely loved her son and we did not want her guests to go unnoticed.

- As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mother.

And then I was told when I was 23 years old that I would not be able to have my dream come true of being a mother and outta nowhere, when I was 30 years old, I became pregnant and on June 29th, 2000, my son Bryce was born.

And I couldn't have been happier.

It was such a beautiful thing, being able to actually hold him and love him, and I had something that I knew would love me unconditionally.

- All she ever wanted to do was be a mom.

Her mom died young, so I think there was a little bit of wanting to channel that, the mother that she missed so much and give that to Bryce.

And it was so wonderful to see her do that.

He grew by leaps and bounds in so many ways that they told her would never happen.

- [Stephanie] What is the state capital of Texas?

- Austin.

- [Stephanie] And what is mama's favorite football team?

- Texas.

- [Stephanie] Nice, and how do you do the Texas Longhorn sign?

While my son is being diagnosed, the doctor told me that my son would never give me eye contact, would never be affectionate towards me, wouldn't have a job, wouldn't be.

He would basically be institutionalized for the rest of his life.

And I stood up and I turned around and I said, "You don't know what mother you just put autism in front of.

I'll fight this with every fiber of my being.

(Bleep) you."

- What made it so hard is that she couldn't feel the love back, even though she knew it was there.

- [Stephanie] One last question.

Do you love your mama a little or a lot?

(Bryce yawns) Ooh, Bryce, last question.

Do you love your mama a little or a lot?

Hey, answer the question.

Do you love your mommy a little or a lot?

You better answer the question.

Bryce, answer the question.

Do you love your mama a little or a lot?

- You know, Bryce loved her and it was evident but it wasn't evident in the way of words.

And that's painful no matter who you are.

- [Stephanie] A lot or a little?

- A lot.

- [Stephanie] Oh, there you go.

Okay, I'll leave you alone now.

- [Moya] When I met her, we bonded over karaoke to metal music, which was really quite odd.

But as I got to know her, she was always showing me something that she had written.

And so she play a diddy on the piano or grab out her guitar, and she had all of these notebooks, you know, with her journals.

And you know, she told me about a book that she had started writing.

And I know that that was something that was so important to her because she couldn't provide Bryce with the stability that he needed without getting her junk out, if you will.

(Stephanie sings) - [Stephanie] I was going to find a way around autism.

Fortunately for us, I was a musician and I was about to reap the benefits of many years of music.

I pulled out my guitar and went into your room and pulled you out of your own world.

I sat you in front of me but you wanted nothing to do with it.

I looked up and said to myself, "Now what?"

I put my head in my hands and started to cry.

Then all of a sudden, you came and sat down in front of me.

I looked and said, "Hi, Mr.

Man."

I quickly hit a G chord.

Your eyes got wide and so did mine.

You liked it.

♪ Mr. Man Mr. Man Maybe this would be your niche.

Who knows, son.

Maybe it'll be music or maybe it will just be you being you.

Bryce Lay, aka, Mr. Man.

(no audio) (no audio) Bryce did not start banging his head until two months before his seventh birthday.

It was two weeks after we moved to Maine from Texas and I remember it clearly.

I was cleaning the kitchen and heard a thud.

When I turned the corner, I found him on all fours banging his head against the hardwood floor.

(Bryce cries) (Bryce cries loudly) He was banging his head 25 to 30 times a day, black eyes, baseball size lump on his head, punching himself in the nose until it bled.

And all of the antipsychotics they were putting him on were not rectifying the behavior.

They would for a week or two, and then it would just, the behaviors would come right back.

This is a video of now seven holes in our walls, one in the bathroom, one in his bedroom, two more in his bedroom.

From throws and then closing the door.

Another one in my bedroom, another one in my bedroom.

- [News Anchor] This is 12 year old Bryce Lay.

He's doing well today but his mother says he's not always like this.

Stephanie Lay says these holes in her walls are evidence of Bryce's psychotic fits.

This is a picture showing Bryce's injuries after Stephanie says he repeatedly banged his head.

- It hurts.

It's really hard to see because you're watching your child.

You're watching your child hurt himself when he doesn't know why he's hurting himself and no one can figure out why he's hurting himself.

- [News Anchor] Stephanie and Bryce have struggled to deal with his health almost all of his life, trying to find a treatment that works.

- So at the age of 12, Bryce became the youngest adolescent in New England to be put on medicinal marijuana for his self injurious behaviors.

We got him on the medical marijuana, which was done in a brownie or a cookie at that in the beginning.

And he went from banging his head 25 to 30 times a day to zero and it gives him that, you know, relief of his autism.

What medicine is that?

- Marinol.

- [Stephanie] And does Marinol make you feel better or worse?

- Better.

- [Stephanie] Yeah.

- Being a specialist in cannabis, I'm kind of a magnet for people that have failed to respond to conventional therapy, or maybe it's probably better said that conventional therapy failed them.

And my first impression had to do with her medical advocacy for Bryce.

Because many patients, many, many children that are extraordinarily violent or self injurious, it's certainly important to protect them.

And it's the lesser harm to put them on medications that are antipsychotics or sedatives or tranquilizers.

But the trade off is quite expensive, preventing a lot of their growth and development physically, intellectually especially and it doesn't really allow the patient to function.

Now, Bryce had been through some of those medications and in Stephanie's opinion, the side effects were intolerable because she had this connection with her son that she wasn't willing to forfeit just to control his violent behavior.

And she refused to believe that those were the only choices available.

- And he still has bad days, but it's, it was, medical marijuana was essential to his growth, to his determination as well.

And the side effect is laughter.

How hard can that be?

How bad can that be?

That's the side effect.

Bryce, Bryce.

Are you happy or sad?

- Happy.

- [Moya] Stephanie's personality on Facebook was always a lot of fun.

♪ All of you people ♪ Around us that say ♪ How can they be that close You know, she was always passionate about anything.

Pick a subject for the day and she could find something to be passionate about.

But Facebook was really her way to connect with the outer world as it is for most.

She was the mom of an autistic child who wanted to be home all the time.

(Bryce yells continuously) - [Stephanie] Bryce, can mama help?

(TV plays in background) (no audio) Bryce, can mama help?

- No, no.

- [Stephanie] Okay.

- There was a piece of her that was so, I don't wanna say broken, but she had, she struggled with this large chunk of herself that didn't make it to Facebook.

And so you have this lovely, genuine side of her that's very positive and then there's the deep, dark stuff, the stuff that nobody wants the world to see.

- [Stephanie] Drinking was my only escape, although I maintained going through the motions of motherhood and responsibility, that was it.

I was only going through the motions.

The D word had set in and this time there was no running away from it.

I had to face it.

I was depressed.

- Bailey, and I discussed drinking a lot.

She didn't like the fact that she was drinking.

I think for her, there was this idea of what a great mom looks like.

You know, they have a nice house, 2.5 cars with the pet and everything's clean and perfect and manicured.

And you know, it, her life didn't look like that.

And I don't know that she necessarily wanted it to look like that, but it needed, it wasn't close.

And I think that she struggled with that.

And I will, I will absolutely stand by and say that Bryce didn't ever see her drinking.

She was so thoughtful about how her choices affected him.

Bailey always wanted to be better.

She wanted Bryce to be better.

So if whether it be losing weight or quit drinking or stop smoking, she had vices that came long before Bryce.

And I think having those carry with her and through autism, they became really good friends because at the end of the day, they didn't leave.

- [Stephanie] After years of trying to keep my severely autistic son safe, the physicality of caring for a child with special needs began to take a toll on my body.

With very little means of an everyday support system, this was all on me but now I was being forced to focus on my pain.

And so the cancer journey began, four years and 17 biopsies later, it was time to make a decision.

I had to figure out what was best not only for myself, but for Bryce.

All I could see was my sweet mother dying.

She died when I was 13.

Leukemia to be precise.

I remember the pain I felt and still feel, even after 30 years of her being gone.

I still needed her, especially now.

All of a sudden, my brother Gary, came to mind.

He died of Hodgkin's disease at the age of 32, then my grandmother of breast cancer at the age of 72.

Then my grandfather, brain tumor at the age of 65.

"That's it, I'm doing this," I thought to myself and then I said out loud, "That's it, I'm doing this."

If I died, he would be left alone to fend for himself.

The thought of that happening made my choice, a double mastectomy even easier.

(no audio) (chatter in background) I want parents to know to never give up.

Take them to the grocery stores, take them out into the community, let the public see a meltdown.

Because it doesn't matter if they're judging you as a parent, you're training that child to be able to be out into the community.

Because if you don't take them out into the community, you're going to remain in your house for the rest of your life.

And I actually selfishly would like to travel at some time in my life.

- There you go.

- Nice work, thank you.

(people chatter) - For those of you that don't know me, I'm Doug Mershener.

I was a store manager in West Falmouth when I was walking in the produce department, just doing my normal routine.

This woman walks into the produce department and comes up and for those that know Stephanie well, she's not shy by any stretch.

So she came right up, gave me a hug, introduced herself and then started talking about salsa.

And of course, I love salsa and I made her bring me in a jar.

But when she started talking about Bryce and the story behind the, what she wanted to get going with this company, I've got a niece that's got autism and I love very much so I was very touched by the story and wanted to be a big part of it if I could.

- I posted this one picture of him grilling the tomatoes for this grilled tomato of this grilled salsa that I've been making for years and years.

And because of my following with autism, within two weeks I had 109 orders, a patent attorney, a food scientist, USDA, went and met our governor of Maine and he gave me a medallion that said, "If it is to be, it is up to me."

And I have utilized those 10 words a lot in the last five years because now my son with severe autism is a business owner.

He helps me with every aspect of this business but the paperwork and the jarring because it's too hot.

And we're proving to everyone that autism isn't a death sentence.

And just watching my son in our work program student, Bennett grow and be able to have jobs is, has been it's been my crowning moment of being a mother - Maine Tex Salsa, it didn't start out as a way to make money.

She had always made it, it was always very delicious.

And I was living with my roommate and I said, "What are you doing?

It's like eight o'clock at night, you're going to Windham?"

She said, "Yeah, I'm gonna go meet Bailey in a parking lot.

She's got a bunch of salsa."

Okay, that woman could sell salsa to anybody at any time, always.

And I think it evolved from something that was just an activity that they did together to a, something that they could actually be able to buy a house someday, you know?

And she was so passionate about using food to really create something beautiful for a community that needs more.

(country music plays) - [Stephanie] Bennett, packing up poblano peppers, like or dislike?

- Like.

- [Stephanie] Okay, here we are.

Good job, dude.

- My husband and I met Stephanie through her salsa business and through our son Bennett, who she calls Benny and the Jets.

Stephanie cared for him exceptionally.

She saw him and I know as parents, we always want to see our everybody to see our kids for who they are.

For Bennett, it's even harder for him to show who he is.

He's got a lot of stuff around him that keeps people from getting in and from seeing who he really is.

Stephanie just sees it.

She just got it.

She saw him.

- Now that Stephanie's gone, I believe that no one will ever be able to take away what she did from Bryce.

I mean, it's there.

That parenting is hardwired into Bryce now.

She was there for him probably when he needed her the most.

And maybe now this is just a different form of challenge.

And while Stephanie's not there to give him the support, hopefully the rest of our community can step up and do that.

- Shoots water.

- Do you, would you like me to read with you?

- Yeah, please.

- Who should read first?

- Vince.

- Oh, okay.

Okay, all right.

So colorful pools and wild animals.

- When I was called regarding Bailey's passing, you know, obviously we're trying, we're trying to everyone's coming together.

We're trying to handle things, get her moved out of her place, get Bryce settled.

And someone asked me how she passed away.

And we all have our thoughts and theories.

And what we kind of decided as a group was that it didn't really matter the reason or the how because the end of the day that answer's not gonna help us.

It's not gonna help us heal from this.

And so we can make up whatever lovely story that it needs to be for each person.

And Bryce, we can help Bryce craft his story about the love he has for his mom and what that looks like.

And there are answers that we just don't need to know.

It's not every day that you meet a spirit that changes the course of your life in an instant.

Our friendship and sisterhood was just that.

In an instant Stephanie or Bailey was and remains to be the powerhouse that the world needs.

Her love for her son is the kind of love that story books are written for.

She inspired change and will continue to be the change that we are all searching for and that the world so desperately needs.

Her every move was made with passion and determination.

She would win, she would succeed.

She would triumph over every hurdle that life put in her path.

Her spirit, her laughter, and her humor remains the beacon as we forward march on her mission and on her purpose.

And with that, I love you, girl.

(footsteps fade away) (slow gentle music) (slow gentle music continues) (slow gentle music) (gentle music continues) (gentle music) (gentle music continues) (gentle music) (gentle music continues) (gentle music fades)